Tuesday, September 30, 2008

7 Best Ways to Kill Yourself!

In case of boredom, depression or in an emergency. HAHAHA!

7. Jumping off someplace high (eg. KLCC!) - I wonder why no one has tried it yet. Probably it's because there isn't a place to jump down from, yet! I must warn you though, if you don't leave a note or wear a nametag, even your mum wouldn't it's you.. from that kind of height. WOW!

6. Jumping infront of a train - A Japanese favourite. May not work in Malaysia as trains may not arrive as planned. You'd probably have a better chance RIDING the train than jumping infront of it. XD

5. Hanging - For your own sake, use strong rope/fabric/whatever or you'd end up very alive but very much in pain. Oh, and remember that you'd need a strong place to tie that strong rope to too. Note: I read somewhere that death this way gives you an awesome erection (for both guys AND girls). A pointless one though.

4. Poisoning - None of that 'last night's dinner' poisoning mind you. I'm not sure which drugs/poisons work best.. SO, just campur everything and cross your fingers.

3. Suffocation - Okay, so this isn't the best way to go. Unless someone ELSE is suffocating you, it's really hard to kill yourself this way. Takes too long and hurts too much for it to succeed. However, if you use a strong enough plastic bag and tie it up real tight, no amount of struggling will save you.

2. Shooting yourself - A really messy way to go. Not very appropriate for anyone who wants to keep their bodies intact. Plus there is a chance that you're so lucky that the shot doesn't kill you. Then you'd be left with a hole in your head/chest/wherever. It's hard to get guns around here anyway, so yea.

1. Go to school. That'll kill ya. HAHAHAHA!

If you're not serious, don't try it. If you just want attention, it's better to just threaten people about it instead of planning a 'fail for sure' suicide'. Uh, and doing it when you're successful AND happy-like makes it more meaningful!

THE END

Disclaimer: The author will not be responsible for any suicide successes due to this article. Unless you wanna leave me some property.