Weird ideas

Not mend to offend or disrespect anyone.
This just popped into my mind out of nowhere that even I, myself don't know how it got here in the first place.

Fate is God's essay homework.
Karma is God's grading system.
Irony is God's way of saying "In your face. HAH!"
-Lex

Frustration

Need a place to let off steam, just reminded of this place.
Old and full of dust, a place where no one visits.
Precisely the type of place I want since it's not really something that I want to burden on someone's shoulders.
Here goes.

Give me a freaking break!
Oh gah!
I'm not the one calling all the shots in this!
I'm just tagging along!
That amount of money might not matter to you much but people have plans as well.
It's bloody hard to actually make someone pay more just because I have a freaking leash on my neck.
You're like 2.5 times older than me yet it can't register in your heads that the world does not revolve around you?!?!
Bloody freaking hell.

Now I trully understand what it means when they say people don't think in other's shoes.
At least the other person is understanding enough and got things settled.
Trully thank you. Don't worry,every word of the deal stands.

I guess it's my fault for getting myself into this in the first place.
But this is something I have to do.
Won't even know if I'll ever have a chance to do again within 4 years or more.
Well at least moral studies does work, sort of.
Strategy of dissolution in resolving conflict. Create an alternative to avoid the conflict.

So, what happens when an unstappable force meets and immoveable object?
Go inbetween and get crushed instead, your head will explode anyway thinking about this.
But that's dissolving the conflict, without a head, there is no means in which to consider the conflict.

Yes, I'm pretty much alive after that 'amusing' outburst almost a month ago.
My freaking out gauge has lowered, but not gone.
The depression gauge has, well, depressed to a non-existant level, I hope.
Currently dealing with uni, which so far has been alright, other than the crazy system where I have to drive all the way to the main building in the opposite wing everytime I need to get something small done, and the lack of parking spots when I'm there.
Despite that, I think I'll live, but there's still time before I revert back to my usual attitude towards going to school (nuking threats included)

So, I'm alive.
Dracoli's alive and single.
Emoperor is alive, in a place which according to some, is pretty monotone when it comes to skin colour.
Nothing to panic about...for now.

Lex.
Alive and out.

I'm going nuts.
Alright, so I never said I was normal.
But now, I'm seriously going nuts.
Being disconnected from real world things for almost a year can do that to a person.
No, being disconnected isn't the problem, it's the re-connecting part that kills you.
And falling sick during the process of re-connection is even worse.

My life have been revolving through the the internet for about 10 months, watching and reading about Japanese idols to pass time. In case anyone's interested, the ideas for those rookies pieces I drew manifested from that interest of mine. So things have been very carefree and I don't have to give a crap about anything since it has nothing to do with anyone outside of my head and computer screen. Nice, blissful time that was.
Then there came horrifying time. I had to get into uni and all that official crap. Things start pouring into my head and there are so many THINGS to pay attention to, take note of, register, and more THINGS to get and deal with. That guidebook and guidelines were definitely not helping since it's practically screaming at me that if you don't do THIS or if you're late for THAT, you going to DIE, metaphorically speaking.

What. The. Hell.

I used to just sail through everything in secondary school even if it's official. I freaking suspended 9 prefects and technically put them through 1 week of humiliation in a blink of an eye without feeling slight remorse or even fear that they would gather a whole posse to beat me up or destroy my brother's car outside of school.
Now? I'm going bloody crazy over something not life threatening like a missing set of lab manual and I keep second guessing myself on the time and place for the next class in uni. I even check 31265465times the time and place for my classes and for things I couldn't check, I'd freak out internally....again.
I wonder if using the excuse of being sick and on meds will make myself sound and FEEL better. Interesting point to note, I think I half-intentionally took about 41ml or more of cough syrup (since I have cough not because I want to get high like some junkies) within 24 hours when the bottle specifically wrote not take more than 40ml within 24 hours. So, I'm guessing that I accidentally overdosed myself with meds that I'm blowing things out of proportion and making myself depressed.

Amusing. Very amusing.

So what exactly I'm doing now? I stopped taking those depression inducing meds but still taking another one to help my aching back, which is caused by coughing too much in the wrong posture. At least I'm not being depressed but that doesn't mean I've stopped freaking out. However, I have to thank Dracoli for being such a nice, caring, etc. (you know the drill, no need to turn something 'emo' into mushy unless you want it) friend.

I hate being depressed and I hate freaking out like this.
GAH!!
I. Need. To. Get. A. Grip.

I should go sleep now. I have to face those freaking out sessions tomorrow.
And I need stop myself from putting those stupid freaking out images into my head when I sleep.
Kamisama Tasukete! Daigaku e ikanai. Uchi ni tamaritai.
Uh.........nevermind.

P.s. I'm wondering if I should publish this seemingly out-of-the-ordinary craziness post.
P.s.p.s. Oh, what the heck. It's not like it's scandalous, even if I haven't whined about not wanting to go to school for a long time.
P.s.p.s.p.s By the way, Emoperor will be on a plane bound for The Land of The English in less than 24 hours.

reminiscing

was in the gym today with some friends (no i wasn't working out) and we hit a topic which made me remember somethings or rather someone.

i want to thank my first love, ong chik ho. better known as baker boyfriend. even though he won't understand this or even own a computer for that matter, i still want to express my gratitude.

you were my first and taught me so many things. i admit there was a period of time where i just hated you for hurting me so but i could never stay mad at you. i just learned to accept that even though fate brought someone into your life doesn't mean that fate will let him/her stay.

you knew how to treat a girl right and loved me very much. i was so happy with you. i could be myself with you cause you accepted me as a whole as i did you. even though you were six years my senior, i could still act childish with you. thank you for introducing me to that type of love. thank you for the memories and good times. thank you so much...