I'm going nuts.
Alright, so I never said I was normal.
But now, I'm seriously going nuts.
Being disconnected from real world things for almost a year can do that to a person.
No, being disconnected isn't the problem, it's the re-connecting part that kills you.
And falling sick during the process of re-connection is even worse.

My life have been revolving through the the internet for about 10 months, watching and reading about Japanese idols to pass time. In case anyone's interested, the ideas for those rookies pieces I drew manifested from that interest of mine. So things have been very carefree and I don't have to give a crap about anything since it has nothing to do with anyone outside of my head and computer screen. Nice, blissful time that was.
Then there came horrifying time. I had to get into uni and all that official crap. Things start pouring into my head and there are so many THINGS to pay attention to, take note of, register, and more THINGS to get and deal with. That guidebook and guidelines were definitely not helping since it's practically screaming at me that if you don't do THIS or if you're late for THAT, you going to DIE, metaphorically speaking.

What. The. Hell.

I used to just sail through everything in secondary school even if it's official. I freaking suspended 9 prefects and technically put them through 1 week of humiliation in a blink of an eye without feeling slight remorse or even fear that they would gather a whole posse to beat me up or destroy my brother's car outside of school.
Now? I'm going bloody crazy over something not life threatening like a missing set of lab manual and I keep second guessing myself on the time and place for the next class in uni. I even check 31265465times the time and place for my classes and for things I couldn't check, I'd freak out internally....again.
I wonder if using the excuse of being sick and on meds will make myself sound and FEEL better. Interesting point to note, I think I half-intentionally took about 41ml or more of cough syrup (since I have cough not because I want to get high like some junkies) within 24 hours when the bottle specifically wrote not take more than 40ml within 24 hours. So, I'm guessing that I accidentally overdosed myself with meds that I'm blowing things out of proportion and making myself depressed.

Amusing. Very amusing.

So what exactly I'm doing now? I stopped taking those depression inducing meds but still taking another one to help my aching back, which is caused by coughing too much in the wrong posture. At least I'm not being depressed but that doesn't mean I've stopped freaking out. However, I have to thank Dracoli for being such a nice, caring, etc. (you know the drill, no need to turn something 'emo' into mushy unless you want it) friend.

I hate being depressed and I hate freaking out like this.
GAH!!
I. Need. To. Get. A. Grip.

I should go sleep now. I have to face those freaking out sessions tomorrow.
And I need stop myself from putting those stupid freaking out images into my head when I sleep.
Kamisama Tasukete! Daigaku e ikanai. Uchi ni tamaritai.
Uh.........nevermind.

P.s. I'm wondering if I should publish this seemingly out-of-the-ordinary craziness post.
P.s.p.s. Oh, what the heck. It's not like it's scandalous, even if I haven't whined about not wanting to go to school for a long time.
P.s.p.s.p.s By the way, Emoperor will be on a plane bound for The Land of The English in less than 24 hours.