Tuesday, September 30, 2008

7 Best Ways to Kill Yourself!

In case of boredom, depression or in an emergency. HAHAHA!

7. Jumping off someplace high (eg. KLCC!) - I wonder why no one has tried it yet. Probably it's because there isn't a place to jump down from, yet! I must warn you though, if you don't leave a note or wear a nametag, even your mum wouldn't it's you.. from that kind of height. WOW!

6. Jumping infront of a train - A Japanese favourite. May not work in Malaysia as trains may not arrive as planned. You'd probably have a better chance RIDING the train than jumping infront of it. XD

5. Hanging - For your own sake, use strong rope/fabric/whatever or you'd end up very alive but very much in pain. Oh, and remember that you'd need a strong place to tie that strong rope to too. Note: I read somewhere that death this way gives you an awesome erection (for both guys AND girls). A pointless one though.

4. Poisoning - None of that 'last night's dinner' poisoning mind you. I'm not sure which drugs/poisons work best.. SO, just campur everything and cross your fingers.

3. Suffocation - Okay, so this isn't the best way to go. Unless someone ELSE is suffocating you, it's really hard to kill yourself this way. Takes too long and hurts too much for it to succeed. However, if you use a strong enough plastic bag and tie it up real tight, no amount of struggling will save you.

2. Shooting yourself - A really messy way to go. Not very appropriate for anyone who wants to keep their bodies intact. Plus there is a chance that you're so lucky that the shot doesn't kill you. Then you'd be left with a hole in your head/chest/wherever. It's hard to get guns around here anyway, so yea.

1. Go to school. That'll kill ya. HAHAHAHA!

If you're not serious, don't try it. If you just want attention, it's better to just threaten people about it instead of planning a 'fail for sure' suicide'. Uh, and doing it when you're successful AND happy-like makes it more meaningful!

THE END

Disclaimer: The author will not be responsible for any suicide successes due to this article. Unless you wanna leave me some property.

12 comments:

Kaeru said...

7. that's cause badawi bloody booked that site for his future suicide already. so they're not letting anyone near or isa tangkap you and throw you in jail cause they feel that your 'well-being is in threat'. (yes our government looks up the threatenee and not the threatener)

6. i have better suggestion. riding the bus can die of extensive pressure or extreme suffocation. pressure due to being mashed into a pulp by the sheer crowd and suffocation due to all the sweaty dirty armpits being pushed against your face.

5. i only have one thing to say. GIRLS CAN HAVE ERECTIONS?!?!?

4. my sister's words are venom...can i die of that?

3. i would not want to suffocate. too horrible a way to die even if it's your bf/gf suffocatiing you with a kiss. but if you insist then the bus thing would work just fine

2. no need so susah. just write blogs about your honest disappointment on the way our country is being run then badawi and co. a.k.a. ISA will come and shoot your fucking brains out through your ass cause they feel that your 'well-being is under threat' (cannot stress enough bout this issue)

1. YES!!! IT'S THE WORST KIND OF DEATH CAUSE IT KILLS NOT ONLY YOUR SOUL, MIND,SPIRIT AND MORALITY, IT ALSO COMPLETELY ANNIHILATES YOUR IDENTITY. LEAVING ONLY AN EMPTY SHELL, A LIVING BREATHING PUPPET FOR THEM TO CONTROL!!! A ZOMBIE!
RUN PPL!!! RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!1111ONEONEONE

p.s. can you die of embarassment???
p.s.p.s. what about heartattacks?
p.s.p.s.p.s. if i kena tangkap ISA ...then you konw why...CAUSE MY FUCKING WELL-BEING IS UNDER THREAT (BY THE FUCKIN ISA!!!!)
p.s.(x4) almost forgot, selamat hari raya!!! XD

Lex said...

7."......our government looks up the threatenee and not the threatener" - the joy of being the healthy person put in quaranteen while virus infected people run wild and free.

6.if this doesn't work, there are cases where wheels starts falling off monorails and hitting people's head. so, walk around sungei wang, you might get lucky.

5.try hanging from a ceiling fan. gives you a hell of a ride. (i don't know about the erection part though)

4.hmm......poison formula 101 anyone?

3.does a vaccuum cleaner help?

2.can i use a bow and arrow instead? it's still shooting.

1.well, what can i say. i'm in school and having a rather sad life there while people are out partying and getting hooked up (you know who i'm refering to)

p.s. embarassment isn't really a good suicide method. it's the thing that causes a suicide attempt.
p.s.p.s. lets talk about speakers and our well-being will be under threat!!!

Sakuragi said...

1. just pick this, its the most effective way since mankind exist !

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Anonymous said...

It's so sick and discomforting that you even took the time to write this explaining to people how they should kill themselves

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